28 on 4 2

Channel 4's premiere of Season 28 of The Simpsons began on Monday 2nd November, and wrapped up earlier this very week... so here, then, is a hopefully comprehensive guide to their censorship and other points of interest regarding the season, compared to my predictions as to those matters back in September.

Before we get started, a note on end credits: it seems this season actual moving video with audio was required for C4 to leave the credits alone, so pretty much all cases where there was just alternate music was talked over (even for things like Homer's rendition of "You're the Best Around" at the end of "A Father's Watch"), and the credits were also squeezed for things such as the still montage of scenes from the episode in "The Town".

VABF18 Friends and Family

The euthanasia lines were left in, although several cuts were made elsewhere. I managed to completely fail to spot these when the ep went out, so much thanks to @CITVPLUS on Twitter for flagging them (these were probably made by Sky too) -- as ever, all cut material is in italics:

When Burns is first using the VR technology:

SMITHERS: This is still a new technology, sir. At the moment, it's really just lots of pornography, a roller coaster, pornography, pornography, Burger King ad, pornography, and... and this one.

I can't be sure exactly how the line was cut, but it was a totally seamless edit if it was like that -- I shall await the season's first repeat run to double-check this. "This one" is a scene of two flying dragons which quickly turns into pornography; it was edited so it only showed the first dragon flying before the screen cut to static. Apart from the hot dragon-on-dragon action, this also meant we lost Smithers' line, "Oh, sorry, sir. This one is also pornography."

Later on, when the Simpsons sans Homer are Burns' family in the VR simulation, after the line "Now your mother's going to take me upstairs to give me... her present," we then see this scene, which was excised completely from C4's edit:

[Pan down to reveal a similar censor box over Marge's ankles]
BURNS: Oh, Smithers, could you remove the ankle bar? [Some tapping of keys, and it does.] More. [Marge's slippers disappear.] More. [Marge's stockings disappear.] More. [She is reduced to a skeleton.] Oh...

I dread to think what this unbelievably fucked up episode is doing for my referring URLs, you know.

VABF17 The Town

From the bar scene at the beginning:

BOSTON FAN: Geez, Jay, this place has got more knobs than a hardware store. I hate this town!
JAY: So don't I. Frigging doorknobs!
BOSTON FAN: Automatic!

VABF16 Treehouse of Horror XXVII

As predicted, this one did not see broadcast in the 6pm slot... but, in contrast to the previous two seasons' Halloween specials (XXV turned up in a post-midnight slot on Friday the following August, and they still have yet to show XXVI at all) this one turned up pretty promptly, and in a good slot as well -- it aired on Friday 6th at 11.30pm, directly after a new episode of The Last Leg. One presumes that its landmark status as the 600th episode might, as predicted, have resulted in this cushier scheduling.

Also, for some reason there was a very strange placing of the ad break so it came about twenty seconds before the end of the first segment.

VABF22 There Will Be Buds

When Kirk and Homer are driving the lacrosse team (this one again spotted by @CITVPLUS):

KIRK: Hey, you want a hit off my vape pen? It tastes like passionfruit, and people think you're a smoker.
HOMER: Why would I want that?
KIRK: Don't worry, Marge isn't here. Oh, speaking of which, where's the craziest place you two have ever done it?
HOMER: What?
KIRK: Let's both say it at the same time. One... two...
HOMER: Don't!
KIRK: Chipotle!
HOMER: There are kids back there!
KIRK: Oh, they can't hear us. I got 'em watching classic lacrosse matches.

Credit where credit's due: The way C4's edit changes it so Homer is worried the kids are overhearing them talk about vaping, instead of sex talk, is very clever and looks totally seamless.

Later, another line cut when Kirk receives his bill at the strip club: "12 lap dances an hour, times three girls, times 56 hours, pole tax, glitter recycling fee." (There definitely appears to have been an attempt to avoid making the episode incomprehensible here even if it meant leaving stuff that would otherwise have been cut in, as there is other material in the strip club scene that is arguably more risqué than that but couldn't be removed and still have the episode make sense.)

WABF03 The Last Traction Hero

During Homer's jigsaw puzzle fantasy:

HOMER: I'm a married man!
WOMAN: Fine. If you need me, I'll be in your schpankenbank. [The fantasy ends to the strains of "We'll Meet Again".]

This causes the fantasy to end a little abruptly, but otherwise looks OK. Later, after Homer and Marge make out on the couch:

MARGE: Mmm... Smithers.
HOMER: Wait a sec. Marge is getting her emotional needs fulfilled by another man, and now she needs me for nothing but sex. I'm the luckiest husband in the world!

This looks a bit awkward since there's no longer any punchline (it comes right at the end of an act), but given it cuts off mid-line it isn't as obvious as you might think. Note that all the sex stuff, including a pan over the trail of their clothing, was left in despite even tamer material being cut from the previous season's "Love is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4".

WABF02 The Nightmare After Krustmas

This episode was not shown as part of this run, and has presumably been held back until closer to Christmas. This is something C4 tend to be hit-and-miss about; they didn't make a similar move for Season 26's "I Won't Be Home for Christmas", which ended up premiering at the end of November as a result, but they did hold back Season 23's "Holidays of Future Passed" to show it on Saturday 19th December at 4.40pm, and moved Season 25's "White Christmas Blues" to the end of the season. (Thanks to Wesley Mead for checking this for me, and for being a great friend of the blog in general.)

I shall edit this post as and when TNAK is scheduled. (Update! This episode is currently scheduled to premiere on Christmas Day at 11.35am -- I doubt I'll be able to see it then, and even if I do comparing to the uncut version will probably be beyond me, so you might be waiting a while for this article to be truly definitive...)

WABF04/05 The Great Phatsby

C4 did ultimately broadcast the two-part version over two separate nights, so it's worth talking about the differences here. The hour-long version had a very short opening sequence which goes from the clouds straight into the episode proper, which holds true for both episodes in the two-part version. In the hour-long version, right after the clouds we get this screen:

Part One of the episodic version is the same, but with an added subtitle: "Vol. 1: The Betrayal". The only other change to the episode is to regenerate the opening credits. Since both episodes have different writers and directors, the hour-long version has separate screens for both (Part 1 written by, Part 2 written by, Part 1 directed by, Part 2 directed by), which obviously the two-part version's Part One reduces to just 'written by' and 'directed by'. Part One ends, not unexpectedly, after the third act of the hour-long version; slightly curiously, there's not so much as a 'TO BE CONTINUED' caption, we just go straight to the end credits. The hour-long version features a remix of the theme tune over the end credits, which is used on both parts of the episodic version.

Part Two, for its, uh, part, has two additions: right after the opening sequence, there's the same title card from Part One as pictured above, this time with the added legend "Vol. 2: The Revenge". In both the hour-long and episodic versions, there's then Homer's line "F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, 'there are no second acts in American lives', but he never said anything about second parts in American TV shows." The hour-long version then picks up from where Part One left off, but the episodic version of Part Two inserts a recap of Part One inbetween -- a sequence of clips from the episode, with a new narration from Homer. I would have gotten a transcript of this, but it seems that at some point after launch, Disney+ switched out the two-part version for the original, hour-long version (Ian Robinson, who checked for me, suggests that when they reuploaded all the episodes a few months in due to complaints about picture quality, maybe somebody noticed then and the hour-long version was substituted as it was felt to be the definitive one. Shades of the season DVDs seemingly going with the first version they had to hand, even if that version was edited in some way.) I shall endeavour to get a transcript or copy of the dialogue when C4 repeat the episode.

July 2021 Update! Homer's recap is as follows:

"Here's what happened so far. In an attempt to recapture his lost youth, Mr Burns threw a party in his handsome summer mansion. But the affair was a chintzy flop, leaving him more sad and alone than ever. Until... Mr Burns was befriended by Jay G, a hip-hop mogul who taught him the joys of spending his money on living life to its fullest. But his shining knight turned out to be a shoot knight. Jay G bankrupted Burns, and took all his worldly possessions, including the nuclear plant. We now resume our story with Mr Burns betrayed and bereft..."

Apart from adding the usual producer credits to the start of Part Two, there are no other differences.

WABF08 The Cad and the Hat

First, in the cafeteria scene where Bart passes various different items, among them a bunny and a hammer (with which to smash open his piggy bank, which he has also proffered) to Lisa to try and get her to make up with him:

LISA: I'm truly sorry, Bart. But it's a wound nothing can heal.

[She leaves; NELSON arrives and examines the objects.]

NELSON: A bunny and a hammer? Well, my mom did say bring home dinner. [He picks up said items and walks off, humming.]

Second, at the start of the bowling alley scene, another excellently done cut:

MOE: Homer, listen, hey, I got something very scary to tell you. Now, I was on this alt-suicide subreddit, you know, just -- just checking in, and I found out why you are so good at chess.

HOMER: Go on.

MOE [showing Homer his MyPad, which has an article titled "CHESS AND THE PATRICIDAL IMPULSE" onscreen]: Chess represents your desire to kill your father!

Note that the cola eating through Bart's insides survived uncut; it seems that the implication of bunny murdering is worse than visible blood being onscreen, so long as the blood doesn't come from people beating each other up! Bart's denial having his neck snapped by Bart's guilt also survived intact, although the fantasy nature of the sequence may have helped it out there.

WABF09 Kamp Krustier

This episode was also not shown in the 6pm slot, but rather straight after THOH XXVII at midnight, presumably due to concerns over the plot around Marge and Homer's sex life. Note that this was a very late change -- until a day or two beforehand, the schedules had it down as a repeat of THOH XXI, with KK scheduled to air in the 6pm slot on Wednesday 18th. Perhaps a bowdlerised edit was being prepared for the 6pm slot but they decided at the last minute they were going to have to cut out too much to make it worth it? (Since the 6pm slot on Fridays was a double-bill, this is the first time any UK channel has shown four new episodes in one day, beating the previous record of three when the BBC ran their first run of Season 11 in triple-bills back in 2003.)

WABF10 22 for 30

During the basketball final:

[NELSON successfully blocks an attempt to shoot.]

NELSON: Rejected! Like I've been rejected!

[NELSON proceeds to score.]

NELSON: Nothing but net! Which is what my mom wears in the strip club.

MOE [on VT]: It was in the third quarter when the game got really weird, and I got a low bar for weird.

Note that visible blood, nudity, multiple euphemisms for "penis" and implied gun violence elsewhere in the episode were all fine, but this one line was apparently too much.

WABF11 A Father's Watch

The opening scene, where Bart is dissecting a frog in science class whilst the late specimen watches on from Frog Heaven, which I have transcribed in full for reasons which will (hopefully) become clear:

[A FROG ANGEL arrives at the gates of Frog Heaven, and meets a second, much older frog.]

FROG ANGEL #2: George, I'm sorry to see you up here.

FROG ANGEL #1: Well, yes, but I died for a worthy cause. As we speak, my body is about to be dissected by a budding young scientist!

FROG ANGEL #2: Let's observe the dedication to learning of this ten-year-old scholar, by the name of... Bart Simpson.

[We pan down to BART's science class, where the frog's dead body is indeed on the desk of said underachiever and proud of it. He repeatedly stabs his test subject with four different scalpels.]

BART [singing]: Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, die! Stab, stab, die, die, death, kill!

[The FROGS are unnerved.]

FROG ANGEL #2: Well, his... passion is undeniable.

FROG ANGEL #1: Yes, very... very impressive.

[Back on Earth, MARTIN has neatly dissected his own specimen.]

MARTIN: By examining my specimen's pyloric sphincter valve, I deduced that she had an affinity for fruit flies!

[BART has pulled out the frog's intestines and used them to make a dreadlock wig for the frog.]

BART: By examining my specimen's natty dreads, I was able to deduce that he was a jammin' Rasta-frogian!

[Back in Frog Heaven:]

FROG ANGEL #1: My body! My little green body!

FROG ANGEL #2: Okay, but surely his portrayal of Rastafarianism will be culturally sensitive!

[On Earth, Bart is making the Rasta-frogian walk along the desk.]

BART [with accent]: Pass the Dutchie! We be smokin' slabba slabba with the Babylon! Ribbit, ribbit, mon! [The frog's internal organs fall out.]

[In Frog Heaven, the specimen is breathing into a paper bag.]

FROG ANGEL #2: Come now, George. At least this Scottish groundskeeper will give your remains a respectful burial.

WILLIE [voiceover]: Into the crapper you go, useless froggy garbage!

[Sound of a toilet flushing.]

FROG ANGEL #1: Are you going to put a good spin on that, too? Hmm? Are you? Well, are you?!

FROG ANGEL #2: Well, uh... ribbit?

I would be interested to know if it was the drugs references, Bart's Rastafarian accent, or the sight of the frog's organs falling out which were the red line there. C4's cut does feel incomplete because the second frog only has two things to put a positive spin on, rather than three, and three things always make a better escalating joke than two. Also, since it's during the opening scene, producer credits appear, so six of them are missing on C4's edit (co-executive producer Ryan Koh through to consulting producer Carolyn Omine, if you're curious).

WABF12 The Caper Chase

An entire scene cut (probably removed by Sky too):

HOMER: I'm totally unqualified. I don't even know how to get outside from here! [He sees a sign for Burns University from the window.] That's the answer!.. Oh, wait.

[Later, at Moe's Tavern, Homer is downcast.]

MOE: Hey, what's the matter, Professor?

LENNY: He don't know what to teach his class.

CARL: Homer's just not cut out to be a pedagogue.

MOE: That's easy. You just got to register, stay away from playgrounds... oh, you said peda*gogue*.

[Later, Homer is in bed with Marge.]

HOMER [sighing]: So this is what it's like to fail at something.

I have, with some reluctance, decided to delete a paragraph about the various different levels on which this joke doesn't work.

WABF13 Looking for Mr. Goodbart

During the Itchy & Scratchy cartoon:

[ITCHY and SCRATCHY are working in a kitchen together; ITCHY attempts to pour catsup on a burger, but finds the bottle is empty. He grabs hold of SCRATCHY and throws him into a meat-processing machine; SCRATCHY comes out the other end of the machine having been defurred, whereupon ITCHY takes a knife to him and turns him into stock cubes. He then places these in a blender, and pours the resulting mixture into the bottle of catsup. He then smashes the bottle over the head of another cat chef, and stabs another in the throat with it. A human CHEF enters, and his eyes bug out at the sight of the dead cats, and smoke comes out of his ears.]

CHEF: Ketchup?! In my kitchen?! Never!

[He pulls out a comically large gun and shoots himself in the head, his entire brain falling out through the exit wound. Outside of TV world, BART laughs uproariously.]

And it was all going so well. As you might be able to tell from the transcript, this has very obviously been edited, and there is a terrible case of double standards given that a few minutes later someone getting stabbed in the hand with a pair of scissors with visible blood was allowed to stay in. Also: how come implied violence with a real gun in "22 for 30" is allowed to stay in, but cartoonish actual gun violence gets cut?

Anyway, later when Bart is out with Phoebe (the old lady he befriends voiced by Jennifer Saunders):

PHOEBE: I'm a nature photographer.

BART: Wow, two things that won't exist in twenty years.

PHOEBE: Oh, you're quite good at taking the piss out of someone.

BART: That's okay to say? [singing] Taking the piss, taking the piss, taking the piss, taking the piss, taking the piss!

PHOEBE: Have you gotten that out of your system?

BART: I'll get up in the middle of the night and say one more.

[BART and PHOEBE see an old buck struggling to climb up a hill.]

PHOEBE: Poor old buck. Probably the last spring he'll make it up the mountain.

On the plus side, the (actually quite funny) spoof Pokémon lyrics over the end credits were heard uninterrupted, for once.

WABF15 Dogtown

After the court rules that a dog's life is more important than Gil's:

KENT BROCKMAN: What's your take on this, Anger Watkins?

ANGER WATKINS: I'm angrier than a beehive in a paint mixer. This is the craziest legal decision ever made outside of Arizona. What's next? Cats get credit cards? Let a snail race in the Indy 500? Like that stupid movie Turbo? I tried to inhale nitrous oxide to get fast. I ended up naked behind an appliance store! Lies! Lies! Lies!

Mr Watkins jumps about a bit between lines as a result of this, but it doesn't look too noticeable.

* * *

So, perhaps the best thing that can be said for this season is that most of these edits look pretty good -- in most cases I don't think you'd know anything was gone unless you'd seen the unexpurgated version -- and I can see why the material was cut, as opposed to some of the fairly tame material that was censored in Season 27 and beforehand. However, we do still have the odd inconsistency creeping in -- the Itchy & Scratchy cartoon getting censored, but other cases of blood and violence staying in, I put down to different people editing different episodes and interpreting C4's guidance differently, but then we have weird cases where a scene of two people obviously meant to be post-coital is just fine, but actually mentioning the word "sex" in the same scene is a bridge too far. As far as I can tell, C4's position on blood this season (having previously been against it altogether) is that it's OK provided it's not spurting from an open wound (and violence of any kind is otherwise fine) -- but doesn't explain the inconsistency in "Looking for Mr. Goodbart"! Nevertheless, we are at least a world away from things like "Something about being gay" getting cut from "Homer Loves Flanders" -- I continue to hope for uncut screenings of these episodes, but this is probably as good as we're going to get in the 6pm slot.

Also of note: The day after their premiere of Season 28 concluded, C4 began their first repeat of Season 27, so at some point next week my similar article for that season will be updated with a few notes based on things I wanted to double-check or episodes I missed first time around. Oh, and I should also note that I've recently revised my old post on the history of The Simpsons on the BBC...