Dwarfing Through the Decades... Again

At the moment, BBC Two are repeating the fifth series of Red Dwarf. These repeats, which have been ongoing at the rate of one series a year since the first two were repeated in 2023, have given something of a second life to the Red Dwarf BBC Broadcasts Guide, one of the earliest and most genuinely useful things I ever wrote.

The continuity for these episodes have also had a lot of fun to them; "Holoship" opened the run with the same ident used for the original 1992 broadcast, and a continuity announcement based on the original, and something similar was done with "The Inquisitor" a week later, with the opening continuity riffing on a line from the original 1992 trail.

Something quite wonderful from 1997 also resurfaced the other day: a clip of some overrunning snooker coverage from 1997, with presenter David Vine confirming the scheduled episode of Red Dwarf will be broadcast following the conclusion of the match, after which the following immortal line is spoken by Dennis Taylor, in reference to Steve Davis: "From the Red Dwarf to the Ginger Magician..."

A quick check of BBC Genome dates this to 9 February 1997, and the Sunday repeat of "Duct Soup", which was already scheduled for 10.30pm, and (obviously) broadcast even later. Back in 2016 I went with the scheduled times in absence of any other information, but some of those narrative repeats were on the same day as live coverage of other events which makes it hard to be sure they went out exactly as scheduled. The continuity announcement for the repeat of "Blue" (erroneously described as being from the premiere) also describes it as airing 'a little later than planned' -- presumably due to, of all things, a live broadcast of the BBC Symphony Orchestra playing Stravinsky immediately beforehand.

Concluding the run, the 9 March repeat of "Nanarchy" was scheduled on the same day as coverage of the World Indoor Championships in Paris and Crufts, so it's quite possible that one was delayed too. But anyway, I've modified some of the footnotes to reflect this.

Adventures in Baby-Sitting

On 9 February 2001, BBC Two aired the Simpsons episode "My Sister, My Sitter" for the first time, where Lisa is inspired to start baby-sitting by The Baby-Sitter Twins books.

Precisely one week after that, on 16 February 2001, the one hundred and fifth Baby-Sitters Club book, Stacey the Maths Whiz,¹ was published in the UK... and would turn out to be the very last book in the series published over here, a relaunch to coincide with the publication of the 100th book the previous year (along with reissuing the older books as economy-price, 3-in-1 omnibuses) having failed to jump-start interest in the series. Whilst there are many examples of the show's free-to-air broadcaster airing stuff that was well out of date by the time they got the rights (elsewhere in this season, the BBC had to skip "Treehouse of Horror VII" from its initial showing because the "Citizen Kang" segment was so dated), them managing to get something in just before the deadline is perhaps more unusual. (As best I can tell, the Sweet Valley Twins books had stopped being published in the UK several years earlier, although curiously Sweet Valley High was still part of the Children's BBC schedule at this time.)

Anyway, that's a connection only I would think ever to make.

---

1. Titled Stacey the Math Whiz in the US, naturally. ^↩

The Silliest Post About Adventure Gamebooks Imaginable

In the third GrailQuest gamebook, Gateway of Doom, one of the new spells Pip is given in their Second Spell Book is Pip's Amazing Legume Spell, which will give an automatic Friendly Reaction from any attacking vegetable. (Ordinarily, a Friendly Reaction requires you to roll three dice for yourself, and one die for your opponent; if the combined total of your three dice is lower than your enemy's single roll, they're friendly and you can proceed as if you'd won. All spells only require a roll of 7 or better on two dice to succeed.)

You may very well think that this is quite a specialised spell which doesn't come into play much.

You may even think that J. H. Brennan included it solely to set up the joke that if you accidentally rescue a Vampire Carrot (which takes quite a bit of effort on your part, incidentally) it turns out such an absurd spell is the only thing that can save your life.

The Sickest Character in Comics

In January 1988, the Beano strip chronicling the adventures of Dennis the Menace's pet pig, Rasher, was retired... and since its replacement was being drawn by the same artist, David Sutherland, there was a rather unusual handover, with The Germs and Ill Will appearing in the last strip before taking over the page completely the week after.

(Both strips shared not only an artist, but also a writer -- John Kemp, who also wrote Minnie the Minx, Ball Boy and Gnasher and Gnipper at the time. Kemp is a fascinating character who began writing for D. C. as an 18-year-old¹ in the 1980s and departed in the early 90s to become a mature student at Dundee University, during which time he was also elected to Dundee City Council and served as education convener.)

The first 'proper' strip, initially titled The Germs, was afforded two pages:

In the Bushes

This is something that has confused me for quite some time. In a speech given on 27 January 1992, George H. W. Bush gives a speech in which he says "we need a nation closer to the Waltons than the Simpsons".

The producers of The Simpsons rush out a response appended to a repeat of "Stark Raving Dad" a few days later, where the family watch the clip on their TV, to which Bart responds "hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too".

However, an alternative version of the clip exists, which uses footage of Bush at the 1992 Republican National Convention later that year, where he repeated the line (as "...to make American families a lot more like the Waltons and a lot less like the Simpsons".) This is most notably seen in documentaries such as the "Bush vs. Simpsons" featurette on the Season 3 DVD, but I was not sure of its origin.

Last Roll of the Dice

The label on the jar has ripped and hangs half off. When she folds the torn piece back into its proper position, the blood drains from your cheeks. You are eating from a jar of Mutant Meatballs! 

Mutant Meatballs were concocted originally by an apothecary from Throben aligned to a rebellious Prince of Brice. On discovering their effects, they designed a plan of conquest. These potent little balls taste delicious, but are quite deadly. They wreak horrible mutations on whoever tastes them. The Prince of Brice planned to seize the throne, his troops manned by experimental mutants, bred for their bizarre powers. And you have just eaten a handful of the balls! Slowly, you will begin to mutate. What will happen to you? The effects are never predictable, usually harmful, sometimes fatal and sometimes useful.

If you are foolish enough to eat from the larder of the Mampang Fortress in the fourth book of Steve Jackson's Sorcery!, The Crown of Kings, then you should roll two dice and turn to the section given to determine what happens to you.

Cracked

Some scans in this article contain racist caricatures.

Shortly after the closure of Buzz, D. C. Thomson decided to have another go at launching a new weekly humour comic for children. It would do things a bit differently from its immediate predecessor: whereas Buzz had been in A3 size, the new comic would be A4, allowing it to boast 32 pages of comics and features. Although it didn't have a regular cover star, instead featuring a large splash panel promoting the characters within, it would feature a character that did not really have a strip of his own, but rather served as the comic's host, not dissimilar to some titles by rival publisher Fleetway of the time. It would prioritise gags, and lots of them, and include several points of reader interactivity.

The first issue of Cracker was on the shelves in January 1975, just two weeks after the conclusion of Buzz, but this title was destined to have an even shorter run: just 87 issues, across twenty months.

I have an issue from just after the halfway point here, number #51, and -- along with some examples of stories that had already been phased out by this point -- I'm going to well and truly scan it in.

Songs in the Key of Doom

This is the first of the four maps you use to navigate the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead in the third GrailQuest gamebook, Gateway of Doom. You start in room 65, the one with the four secret doors, and will eventually want to make your way over to 80, where you will find a map showing the remainder of Level I.

As you may have noticed, you can't get to 80 without passing through 100 no matter what route you take, and in 100 there's an unavoidable fight with a monster who is guarding a chest containing the key to the Gateway into the Ghastly Kingdom, which you need in order to close and lock it at the conclusion of the book, so stopping the spread of monsters and plagues and whatnot passing through the Gateway into Avalon.

Buzz Words

In January 1973, D. C. Thomson launched a new weekly humour comic for children into a market that already looked pretty crowded; they were already producing the Beano, Dandy, Beezer, Topper and Sparky at the time, and to introduce a sixth comic into this mix seems ambitious. Like its stablemates the Beezer and Topper, Buzz was published in A3 size, making it twice the size of many other comics of the time, but this didn't mean it would be a big hit: just two years and 103 issues later, Buzz would become the publisher's first mayfly when it closed.

A mayfly which I am now about to pin and mount to the wall. (I don't think that's what you do with mayflies, but just go with it.) The issue I have scanned in is from just over halfway through its life, number #59.

Coach and Horses

The second Lone Wolf gamebook, Fire on the Water, is quite heavy on setting up the series' lore, and features an expansive plot where Lone Wolf must travel halfway across the Lastlands to retrieve the fabled Sommerswerd. Perhaps because of this, there are a few moments where it seems to struggle to fit everything into 350 sections.

During one sequence, you travel by coach to Port Bax, with five other passengers -- Ganon and Dorier, two brothers who are knights in the Order of the White Mountain; Halvorc, a merchant; Parsion, a priest; and Viveka, a young adventuress for hire. The journey is interrupted by your discovery that one of the five is an assassin in the pay of the Darklords; after you survive an attempt to serve you a tray of poisoned food during a stopover at a tavern, you storm into the bar where they are all waiting, are asked which one you think is your would-be killer, and do battle with them. (Take a look at the illustration that accompanies this section, and you should be able to spot the vital clue as to who the Darklord agent is even without the context of the rest of the book. Even the picture above might be enough.)

Hot to Go!

Snip and Snap, D. C. Thomson's original duo of postman-pillorying dogs, enjoyed a stint in the Sparky for just shy of two years, from October 1972 to August 1974.

As you may have immediately guessed from other posts I've done on this subject recently, for a brief spell beginning in the summer of 1999, the twosome were dusted off, colourised and reprinted in the Dandy as the Red Hot Chilli Dogs:

Knock on Wood

This is the very first edition of The Haunted Wood, a strip which appeared in Fleetway's Knockout across its two-year run from June 1971 to June 1973. Like some other Fleetway strips of the time, it does not appear to have had a terribly consistent artist; some sources say this first strip was the work of Reg Parlett, other strips were apparently by Sid Burgon, and other editions have artists who cannot be identified. (Another Knockout strip, Beat Your Neighbour, is notorious for being so inconsistent it can be difficult to find two editions which were definitely drawn by the same person, but that's another story.)

To cut to the chase: The Haunted Wood is not renowned for experimentation or breaking its format. Every subsequent edition follows a very familiar set-up: someone takes wood from the Haunted Wood, doesn't listen to the unnamed boy's warnings that this will lead to disaster, and the haunted wood, no matter what form it has been sawed, nailed or whittled into, comes to life and wreaks havoc until it returns to its home.

Red Lines

This is a very early example of Ali's Baba, a strip which appeared in D. C. Thomson's Sparky from January 1970 up until the comic's end in July 1977; it was drawn by Malcolm "Mal" Judge, better known for D. C. stablemates such as The Numskulls and Billy Whizz. This particular strip is taken from the Sparky Book 1971; the Christmas books were usually finished at least a year before publication, and Baba and his guardian angel must have just sneaked in before the deadline to debut in the weekly comic and the accompanying annual in the same year.

In this particular strip, Ali's invisibility to the other characters is represented by making him transparent. Which seems fair enough. However, it appears very unlikely this method was used in any other strip.

For the vast majority of editions (this example is from the 1973 book),¹ they did something more interesting -- having the outline of Ali and his speech balloons appear in colour:

Fight! Fight! Fight!

In March 1983, the very third Fighting Fantasy gamebook, The Forest of Doom, was published in the UK.

I'm aware it's a story I've told several times now, but the range's co-creators, Steve Jackson and Ian Livingstone, had jointly written the first book in the series, The Warlock of Firetop Mountain, which was an instant bestseller. To produce two new books in the same time it had taken to write Warlock, they divided their efforts, and Livingstone's first solo gamebook, Forest, was published the exact same day as Jackson's offering, The Citadel of Chaos. Four more books would be written in this way before Puffin Books realised that if they were going to keep up with public demand, and the copycat series by other publishers that were beginning to crop up, they were going to have to open things up to outside writers.

As you might expect, Livingstone doesn't have everything down pat at this point, and Forest is a bit different to his later books. It's generally a bit easier, especially when it comes to combats. The basic plot is still on the simple side, and an excuse for a classic dungeon crawler (albeit one that takes place outdoors). One of the most notable curiosities is that if you reach the end of the book having failed to find both parts of the fabled Dwarven warhammer you're trying to retrieve from Darkwood Forest, you can loop straight back round to section 1 and continue playing (provided you can pass a Test Your Luck roll to escape some Wild Hill Men); presumably Livingstone took it as read that the player would follow paths not taken on the second time round, but there's still going to be some overlap with areas where the forest apparently magically resets itself between visits.

The Many Faces of Rubidium von Screwtop

One of the newest strips in the weekly Beano, Rubi's Screwtop Science, started life in CBBC's 2016 series Dennis & Gnasher: Unleashed; Rubidium "Rubi" von Screwtop (daughter of Professor von Screwtop, a re-imagining of a mad scientist who originated in Lord Snooty and His Pals all the way back in 1939) was one of several new friends for Dennis created for the TV series who was subsequently transplanted into the weekly comic. She started out as a supporting character in Dennis' own strip, but also made some appearances alongside Dennis' other two best friends from the series, Jemima "JJ" Jones and Pie-Face (a new take on Dennis' friend from the nineties and noughties) in a strip known simply as Rubi, JJ and Pie-Face, then in 2017 she got a strip of her own.

JJ and Pie-Face also had their own stories for a while, but Rubi's has proved by far the most popular, and the other two only seem to appear as supporting characters these days. (Pie-Face's pet potato Paul also briefly had a strip of his own, which is the only strip ever to be headlined by an inanimate object; certainly in D. C. Thomson's history, and quite possibly in any comic, anywhere, ever.) Rubi's Screwtop Science began as a half-page Funsize Funny in early 2017, and was notable as the first strip in the comic's history headlined by a disabled character.

"Happy to Sign This!"

The author was delighted not only to see a copy of this edition again, but also to learn that the entire series is now on YouTube.

Which may be the closest this saga ever gets to a nice, neat ending.

By Gordon's Beard

Recently, I have written a few things about editing on the BBC's 2006-09 version of Robin Hood. These posts feel a bit like they've come from a fansite in a parallel universe where the show survived the departure of nearly all of its original leads, ran for a few more series and left a bigger cultural footprint than it actually did, so I've been quite pleased with the audience they've found.

One of the most famous stories about the series, though, concerns the August 2006 theft of some master tapes. Although the majority of the material was apparently recovered later on, there is some reshot material in the broadcast episodes. But nowhere tells us exactly what.

Here is Little John, as played by Gordon Kennedy, when he makes his first appearance in the final moments of the first episode, "Will You Tolerate This?" (original TX 07/10/06):

Here he is in his first scene of the second episode, "Sheriff Got Your Tongue?" (TX 14/10/06), sporting a beard which looks much the same for most of the episode:

(Episodes 1 & 2 were filmed in the same block, and on the DVD commentary for episode 2 showrunner Dominic Minghella identifies the scene where Marian tries to rescue Robin from the dungeons, half an hour into episode 2, as the very first to be filmed.)

But when we get to the castle scenes later on, Kennedy is visibly close to clean-shaven in the scene where the other outlaws arrive to help Much with his rescue attempt (apart from this shot, he's only seen in wide shots for the rest of this scene, and the lighting also suddenly changes at the point the others arrive, as if it's been put together from two different takes):

Toddler of Terror: The Director's Cut

A few months ago, I published a history of Ivy the Terrible which went down spectacularly well. (Thanks again if you reposted it or said something nice about it.) This is a deleted scene which I realised very quickly should probably be spun out into its own piece.

This is, once again, the first ever Ivy strip, as published in the edition of the Beano dated 04/05/85:

In (approximately) May 1988, Ivy made her debut in the Beano Comic Library range, with an issue rather unusually titled simply Ivy the Terrible:

The reason for this name is because this issue is essentially a revised and heavily expanded version of that very first strip... and, since I've separated it out into its own post, I may as well give you the entire issue.

33 on E4

As one door closes, another must open. In the great shake-up of late 2024, E4 became the only place to see new-to-linear-TV Simpsons in the UK, following their releases on Disney+ a few months beforehand. Season 36 became the first season to premiere on the channel in this way at the start of this year, but E4 are still playing catch-up with Seasons 33 through 35, which were first seen over here on Sky shortly after their US broadcasts.

One week after their debut of S36 concluded, the first of these seasons entered the fray. Season 33 aired on FOX in the US from 26 September 2021 to 22 May 2022; was first seen in the UK on Sky with "A Made Maggie" as a Christmas special on 24 December 2021, then weekly from 21 January to 5 June 2022; and now it has completed its cycle with its first run on free-to-air TV, which occurred in double-bills from 1 March to 3 May of this year (with one or two little wrinkles we'll come to soon). After E4's premieres of Seasons 32 and 36 were largely untampered with, how did Season 33 match up?

Only YOU Can Save Cliff Hanger!

Last year, I published one of my favourite things I've ever written -- a history of Cliff Hanger, the part-gamebook part-comic strip that ran in Fleetway Publications' Buster from 1983-87, and was then reprinted from 1992 until near the comic's end in 1999. Here's a thing that's been bothering me about the strip for a while. Or possibly two things, one of which isn't bothering me any more.

One of the many interesting quirks of Cliff is that almost every single strip is numbered in a unique way: which number strip it is appears on Cliff's jacket. (Or occasionally somewhere else if artist J. Edward Oliver can't put it there for some reason.)

The number in the final regular strip in 1987 was 197. (Thanks to Great News for All Readers for the scan of the original strip, rather than the colourised reprint.)

The rules surrounding this numbering system seem pretty clear: Only the 'regular' strips in the weekly comic count. Cliff's jacket appears unnumbered in Christmas annuals or Summer Specials, or other nonstandard strips such as the Cliff Hanger Adventure Book, a cut-out-and-keep Choose Your Own Adventure story which appeared over five issues of Buster.

That Cannonball Kid Sure Scores a Mean Owen Goal

This is an example of Cannonball Kid (drawn by Rob Lee), a story which appeared in D. C. Thomson's Nutty from around the midpoint of its 1980-85 run to its end. If you remember my earlier look at Nutty, you may notice this is the exact same strip I used as an example of the Kid there... but there's a reason for this. (Apart from the fact it's the only Cannonball Kid strip I have.)

In April 1998, the Cannonball Kid was dusted down, colourised and renamed for use in the Dandy, and as it happens, this strip became the very first edition of Owen Goal:

Shot for Shot

On 29 December 2007, the second series of the BBC's latest adaptation of Robin Hood came to an end with a highly contentious finale where Guy of Gisborne stabbed Marian to death in a jealous rage.

It's perhaps not the most interesting thing about these episodes, but although produced as two 45-minute episodes, titled A Good Day to Die and We Are Robin Hood, they ended up originally airing as one single 90-minute compilation, on account of the BBC deciding to strip their Oliver Twist adaptation across five nights from Tuesday to Saturday, meaning no episode of Hood aired on the 22nd December.

All subsequent repeats, home media releases and streaming versions presented the story as the original separate episodes, so the compilation version -- only seen on the first UK broadcast, literally in the same week BBC iPlayer was launched and off-air copies of things started becoming a bit harder to come by -- became rather obscure.¹ However, I've been furnished with a copy of that original airing by Jim Lynn of VHiStory, and I am tremendously grateful to him for making this post possible. Because it isn't quite the case that they just stuck the two episodes together.

Armstrong and Miller Time

When looking in charity shops I am principally hoping to find another batch of old comics, or maybe some Choose Your Own Adventure books, but I buy other stuff as well. Such as this:

Children's Hour was the second Radio 4 series from Armstrong and Miller, in which they starred as newspaper critics Craig Children and Martin Bain-Jones (characters the duo later reprised for their Channel 4 sketch show), and as the little episode guide on the booklet tells us, it was broadcast in December 1998 (in the 11pm slot, which will become quite important later on).

Hmm. There's got to be a story there.

Life and Limb

Shadow on the Sand is the fifth Lone Wolf gamebook, and also the conclusion to the Kai sub-series (also known at that point in publication as the 'basic rules' series, as it marks the point where Lone Wolf goes from initiate to Kai Master, and so unlocks a whole new set of Kai Disciplines to choose from). It is structured uniquely: instead of a single 350-section adventure, the game is split into two parts, running to 200 sections each, with section 200 of Part One directing you to turn to the start of Part Two and 201.

To cut a long (well, four-gamebook) story short, at the beginning of the book, Lone Wolf has travelled to the desert empire of Vassagonia to sign a peace treaty with the ruler, Zakhan Moudalla, but upon arrival your entourage discovers that the Zakhan has died, and his successor Kimah is in cahoots with the Darklords, plotting to kill you and destroy the legendary Book of the Magnakai.

In the very first section of SotS, you are accosted by the new Zakhan's elite bodyguards from the moment your ship docks in the harbour at Barrakeesh, and the choices you are given effectively boil down to: surrender and be taken prisoner, or run.

In the Hood

In October 2007, the BBC's Robin Hood TV series returned for its second series. Amongst a number of changes, the entire title sequence was completely overhauled, with a lot more colour, variety, shots of forest scenery interspersed with clips from episodes and whatnot. A visual summary of all the different credit screens would look more or less exactly like this:

Episodes 4, 5, 8, 9, 10 and 11 have an extra screen between the director and series producer credit for Jane Hudson, with the other production credits shortened slightly to fit it in:

This same title sequence was the basis for the one used in the third and final series. However, whilst Series 2 kept the same cast throughout, the regulars were constantly changing throughout for S3, and the opening was updated to account for this -- in fact, with two exceptions, the sequence was never the same two weeks running.

The Strangest Yeti

In the issue of the Beano dated 2nd January 1993, a terrible monster made its debut. No, it wasn't Hot Foot, it was the first edition of a story that was, for its first week only, called The Yeti, drawn by stalwart artist Robert Nixon:

This was the only edition to run to two pages (at least in the weekly comic), and with the status quo set up, future editions carried the full title of The Yeti with Betty: