30 on 4 2

Channel 4's terrestrial premiere of Season 30 of The Simpsons in the UK began on Tuesday 1st November. A Tuesday. I ask you.

Anyway, it wrapped up earlier this week; back in September, I predicted which episodes might be cut, dropped altogether or otherwise moved around for the fourth year in a row, and here we see how the battle of expectations versus reality panned out.

On the matter of what C4 do with nonstandard end credits (and just having the usual theme is a rarity these days!): Anything that was just alternate music was talked over, anything that was both alternate video and audio was not talked over at least for the video portion (for example, for "Daddicus Finch", which has still frames over half of the credits, that bit was left alone but the continuity announcer came in when those finished); in other words, pretty much consistent with last year.

As another general notice, as ever any episode that was originally in memory of someone is missing the dedication on C4's copy, seemingly because of a producers' policy that only the original broadcast carried it. The affected episodes are "Werking Mom", originally dedicated to the memory of Stan Lee; "Daddicus Finch", dedicated to Ricky Jay; "The Clown Stays in the Picture", dedicated to production manager Trista Navarro; and "I Want You (She's So Heavy)", dedicated to Luke Perry. In addition, "Werking Mom" was repeated in the US on 28 July 2019, two days after the death of Russi Taylor, and that repeat was dedicated to her. (You might have expected a later episode premiere to repeat the dedication, as happened with Phil Hartman, especially since there was one further episode that featured voice work from her -- Season 31's "Thanksgiving of Horror" -- but it was not. For what it's worth, I believe all dedications on episode premieres were seen on Sky's broadcasts, but in any case of a repeat being dedicated -- of which there are several further examples in later seasons -- the dedication was never seen in the UK.)

XABF19 Bart's Not Dead

Why not kick the season off with two really weird cuts that don't make sense?

MARGE: Can you get me the wine that I keep in Mommy's knitting basket?

LISA: I know where you keep it. [She leaves, then returns with a bottle of wine.] There was no knitting in there.

[MARGE opens the bottle and takes a gulp of wine straight from it.]

MARGE: Ah!

So establishing the "wine in Mommy's knitting basket" and even showing Lisa fetching it is fine, but actually showing Marge drinking it -- admittedly straight from the bottle -- is only what crosses the line?

Later, when Bart has his dream about Heaven, Jesus hits him four times with the sign reading "LOVE", but the last two are cut in C4's version; again, this begs the question, at what point exactly does this cross the line?

XABF15 Heartbreak Hotel

In the montage of Homer realising he can relax and drink as much as he wants in the hotel (hat-tip to @CITVPLUS for spotting this one): he pours a bottle of champagne over his head, bounces on the bed, eats a hamburger in the bathroom, then throws all the hotel towels in the air and gives a (pixellated) middle finger to a sign reading "HELP THE ENVIRONMENT / PLEASE REUSE TOWELS"; the towels fall over the camera, and we transition (or cut, in the case of C4's edit) to an establishing shot of the hotel.

(Note that pixellated nudity earlier in the episode was allowed to stay in; the sign is still onscreen in C4's version, we just cut away before Homer flips it the bird.)

Second, during one of the most excruciating and hard to watch Deliberately Monochrome scenes ever made not to feature Bob Odenkirk or Rhea Seehorn:

NICK: And how would you have played the three-legged chase?

MARGE: Why don't I show you?

HOMER: Don't encourage her!

MARGE: Encourage me!

[She uses a cord from the curtains to tie their legs together, and they walk back and forth with increasing speed.]

MARGE [also at increasing speed]: Inside, outside, inside, outside, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out!

[They fall back on the bed, sighing.]

HOMER: You can sit around with the minibar gin running out of your mouth. You can tear me apart like the box the shower cap came in. That's perfectly okay, that's alright.

MARGE: You can stand it.

HOMER: I cannot stand it!

MARGE: You can stand it! You married me for it!

HOMER: Our son is dead!

MARGE: No, he isn't!

HOMER: We have no son!

MARGE: Yes we do!

HOMER: Oh, yeah, Bart.

[The next day, at the breakfast bar, and back in technicolour:]

HOMER: Man, last night sure was a searing portrait of a marriage in turmoil.

The three-legged race bit was (presumably) cut because it's meant to remind the viewer of an orgasm, if it isn't clear. The second section probably went to avoid a non-sequitur, or just to avoid making it too obvious something had been cut; when she says "You can stand it!", Marge is still lying on the bed with Nick.

XABF17 My Way or the Highway to Heaven

In the kids' fantasies of how to get into heaven:

[MILHOUSE unties Lisa from a railway track; she walks off, but Milhouse spots a baseball card on the tracks and stops to pick it up.]

MILHOUSE: Clayton Kersh!

[He is hit by the train; when it passes by, his now separated glasses, head, torso and legs all sprout wings and float upwards, reassembling on the way.]

Okay, that's a tough one to transcribe, so to put it another way: we cut from the train on the track to the now reconstituted Milhouse ascending. It's a pretty good edit; only if you know the truth does it look suspicious.

During the dinner scene in the WWII story:

WOLFCASTLE: Laughing is for Germans only!

[He draws his gun and shoots BARNEY, who was laughing without permission, in the leg.]

BARNEY: Ow!

[WOLFCASTLE turns the gun on LENNY.]

Later, when Marge is being held at gunpoint by Wolfcastle:

MOE: You can drink our beer, you can take our gold, you can take my wife!

MARGE: No you can't!

[She picks up a knife from the table and stabs WOLFCASTLE in the neck; he collapses, dead.]

MOE: Well, the marriage counsellor said we should try to find a common interest, so, uh...

[He picks up a corkscrew from the table and stabs another Nazi in the neck with it. To the strains of Non, je ne regrette rien, a fight breaks out; LENNY smashes a champagne bottle, drinks the few drops in the top of the bottle, then uses it to stab a Nazi in the chest. CARL pours more champagne into a frying pan, sets it alight and throws it at two more Nazis. GRAMPA hits another Nazi over the head with a framed picture of Hitler, then draws a gun and shoots the picture. BARNEY breaks a baguette in two, and stabs a Nazi with each piece, then CARL helps him to safety. SIDESHOW MEL opens the Ark of the Covenant, spirits emerge from it and blast holes in another group of Nazis. We cut to a wide shot of the results of the massacre, as CARL helps BARNEY out of the door and MEL follows.]

Apart from it being quite obvious where the first cut is (the cut to the fight scene is actually pretty good), we lose the important plot point of Moe deciding to fight back against the Nazis, so the resolution of the story doesn't make sense! (During one of the long shots of the room after the battle, the Nazi Lenny stabbed can be seen with the champagne bottle sticking out of his chest, but let's be generous and not count this as a non-sequitur.)

XABF16 Treehouse of Horror XXIX

Despite an edited version of THOH XXVIII making it to the 6pm slot last year, this season saw C4 revert to form: this episode was skipped altogether during this run, and a late-night airing has not yet been scheduled, but could happen at any point within the next year. RTÉ2 viewers did, however, see this episode aired in the show's usual slot on Friday 4th November; if any Irish readers can offer any information on whether it was cut or not, that would be most appreciated.

XABF18 Baby You Can't Drive My Car

As predicted (although note that by only working from a transcript the previous post fucked up the context of this):

MOE [on the phone]: I am not a pretend attorney, I am Homer's liar -- lawyer. Goodbye.

[KRUSTY's self-driving car pulls up outside a factory; a sign reads "COKE: USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF STEEL".]

KRUSTY: That wasn't the kind of coke I was talking about!

[Back at 742 Evergreen Terrace...]

During the end credits, over which an extra scene plays, whilst there was no continuity announcer, a most unwelcome advert banner appeared over the bottom half of the screen; as every other episode followed C4's policy of leaving the credits alone completely if there was alternate video and audio, I am chalking this one down to a presentation error.

XABF20 From Russia Without Love

When Bart is buying from the dark web (thanks to commentator Rick, without whom I'd have missed this one):

HACKY: But if you're caught, I morph into Snitchy the weasel and give all your information to the FBI.

[The computer shows an animation of the FBI pulling up to 742 Evergreen Terrace and opening fire on it; an animated Homer falls out of the window and lies in a pool of his animated blood.]

XABF21 Werking Mom
Another cut I actually managed to predict for a change (thanks again to Rick for checking):

MARGE: I can't do this. I can't do this!
JULIO: Can't? Can't? Marge, I never want to hear you use the C-A-next-Tuesday word again. You need to tap into your female warrior side.

Secondly, after Marge realises that people mistook her for a drag queen:

JULIO: Besides, the top Tubberware sellers... they're all drag queens.

MARGE: What? That can't be true.

[The screen pauses and jaunty music plays as a large caption reading "IT IS TRUE" appears. This changes to a second caption, which reads "HERE'S A LINK: https://www.ocregister.com/2012/08/31/venezia-tupperwares-top-sellers-are-drag-queens/", and then a third, which reads "DON'T BELIEVE US? HERE'S SOME MORE LINKS: https://melmagazine.com/can-the-queen-of-tupperware-hang-onto-her-throne-2de532bd7597, https://people.com/celebrity/americas-top-tupperware-salesman-works-and-burps-in-drag/, https://abcnews.go.com/Business/video/drag-queen-aunt-barbara-sells-tupperware-15478864". The scene returns to normal.]

JULIO: So, what do you say, Marge?

Okay, the reason why I've highlighted that in a different colour is because... I'm not certain this is an edit made by C4 themselves. I think there's a possibility this is an alternate version prepared at the US end in case of link rot. All four links still work, and unless there was some problem with advertising rules I'm struggling to see why C4 would feel the need to censor them (especially given they don't seem to have objected to the drag queen plot at all). The edit also looks suspiciously good, perhaps too clean for C4 to have made it themselves -- more information on how other versions of this episode, including US repeats and streaming copies, look would be greatly welcomed.

Moments later in the same scene, when Marge imagines the Tubberware talking to her:

CONTAINER: Go for it, Marge! Who cares if what's inside doesn't match what's out? I'm labelled lunch snacks, but people use me to store pot!

A pretty good cut (at least from a technical viewpoint), given it leaves the set-up but not the punchline. Less expectedly, everything else was left in -- "tucked away", the "bone" line and the use of the word "penis"...

XABF22 Krusty the Clown

When Billy takes over the school newspaper right at the start of the episode:

BILLY: Preschool is over, news skanks!

It looks a bit abrupt, as you might expect, but not terrible. However, a large number of drugs references in the second half of the episode stayed in, which makes the fact that those two words were all the censor objected to very strange.

YABF01 Daddicus Finch

First, when Bart walks in on Homer and Lisa watching To Kill a Mockingbird:

BART: Aw, black and white? The TV's broken.

[He changes channels to an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon, where Itchy is using a hand drill to bore into Scratchy's head; the drill penetrates and comes out the other side, skewering Scratchy's brain and its stem.]

Secondly, when Grampa takes offence to Bart implying he's dead in the same scene, another totally inexplicable cut:

GRAMPA: Are you saying I'm dead? Put up your dukes. [BART does so.] Now put up my dukes. [BART raises GRAMPA's fists for him.] Now take down your dukes. [BART lowers his fists; GRAMPA hits him, knocking him to the floor.] I'm the greatest! [Beat.] Ooh... someone put down my dukes!

It's pretty good how the edited version still works as a joke, but this is really quite a tame scene and I'm surprised it was deemed unacceptable. C4's version also goes to the ad break after this scene, making the edit look even more sudden.

YABF02 'Tis the 30th Season

This episode was not moved around for a closer-to-Christmas premiere, and aired on Friday 11th November as a result. (I'd forgotten the episode starts on Black Friday, which was Friday 25th November this year, and I'd have forgiven some tampering with the episode order to show it then!) It was also not censored, and it seems rather curious given the very tame material cut elsewhere that C4 were perfectly fine with Homer drugging someone without their consent, but I shall resist the temptation to go into more detail on that point.

YABF03 Mad About the Toy

When Grampa arrives at the toy factory in the flashback:

[Over GRAMPA's narration, which I'm not transcribing here because no dialogue is cut, we pan from left to right over: one toy tester throwing a lawn dart and stabbing a second tester with it, another tester using an Easy-Bake Oven which instantly bursts into flames, a girl trying to drill into a boy's head with a toy drill(?), and another boy and a girl aiming pellet guns at each other. The narration ends, and we cut back to GRAMPA at the room's entrance; he looks over to his left, where two more workers are throwing raccoons into a grinding machine, where their fur comes out one funnel as "COONSKIN CAPS", and their insides out of another as "PLAY DOUGH".]

YABF05 The Clown Stays in the Picture

In the scene from Dog Cop, starring Krusty in the title role:

POLICE CHIEF: You're suspended for a month!

DOG COP: For me, that's like seven months!

POLICE CHIEF [shouting]: Dog Cop!

[Cut to a wide shot, revealing DOG COP is humping the CHIEF's leg.]

After Krusty has taken over as director on The Sands of Space:

MARGE: Krusty loves what you're doing. Same energy, little quicker.

ACTOR: Tell him to sod off.

[MARGE walks back to KRUSTY.]

MARGE: He says, "you got it, baby"!

There's a slight jump in the background music as a result of this cut, and once you become aware of it it's impossible not to notice; plus, er, the scene doesn't really make sense any more.

After Homer has been taken hostage by bandits, and the rest of the film crew decide to rescue him:

MOE: We don't have a million-dollar ransom, but we do have one thing. [He gestures to the futuristic war machines.] Movie magic! [He holds up a baggie of cocaine -- uh, sorry, "crew powder".] Powder up, everyone! [The rest of the crew hold up their own baggies.]

Note that multiple other references to, and appearances of, "crew powder" -- at best, a very, very thinly veiled euphemism -- earlier in the episode were deemed just fine; apparently it's only using it to start a drug-fuelled rampage that crosses the line. It's also slightly odd that the rampage needs to be drug-fuelled anyway, especially since it never comes up again after this...

When the film crew storm the casa using the props as weapons:

[CAPTAIN McALLISTER hits one of the gangsters over the head with a futuristic sword, causing it to shatter.]

GANGSTER: These weapons from the future, they are not real!

[He fires his shotgun, cleanly blasting off one of McALLISTER's legs; McALLISTER falls over.]

Looks a bit sudden, but not terrible.

YABF08 I Want You (She's So Heavy)

At the anti-drugs seminar:

CHALMERS [holding up a baggie of drugs]: This bag of concentrated death is what the kids today call "blizzard". Allow me to demonstrate on Skin-ner! [He offers Skinner a straw.]

SKINNER: Superintendent, I must protest. I'm an educational professional who -- [CHALMERS forces the straw up SKINNER's nose, and inserts the straw into the baggie.]

CHALMERS: That's a good boy. Take your medicine.

HOMER: Oh, let's get out of here.

A technically excellent cut -- you'd never know it was gone -- and it removes a really weird scene into the bargain. Anyway, after Marge and Homer bail on the anti-drugs seminar and go to the wedding expo instead, the call-back also gets cut:

FASHION COMMENTATOR: Your bride will look radiant next to these hideous bridesmaid's dresses, made in colors known to scare seagulls.

[A dishevelled SKINNER appears in the doorway.]

SKINNER: Oh, so beautiful.

CHALMERS [appearing in the doorway]: Come back here, you. You've got twelve more drugs to test.

SKINNER: I both see and am God.

Because there's music playing in the background and it's at the end of the scene, this is more noticeable, but once again I'm hard pressed not to say that C4 are actively improving the episode here.

Immediately after that cut, we go back to 742 Evergreen Terrace, where Shauna and Jimbo are babysitting the Simpson children and letting them watch a decidedly family-unfriendly movie:

LITTLE GIRL IN MOVIE: Who will protect me when you die?

WOMAN IN MOVIE: Nothing's going to happen to yo--

[The food mixer in the background ejects both its beaters at the WOMAN'S head, causing it to explode; the LITTLE GIRL gets splattered. LISA and MAGGIE are cowering on the sofa in terror.]

JIMBO: Does this house have a mixer? We could make face cookies. [He laughs.]

SHAUNA: Aw! You're gonna make such a good dad. [They start making out.]

LISA: Uhh... I feel like a walk. You want to take a walk?

BART: I feel glued to my seat for reasons I don't understand. [The movie continues:]

OLD LADY IN MOVIE: It's all over, sweetheart. The curse is broken. Grandma will take care of you from now o--

[A swarm of locusts enters through the window and strips her of her flesh completely, leaving only the skeleton.]

LISA: Come on!

Okay, so something's quite obviously been taken out there, but in fairness the only alternative would've been deleting the scene entirely, and it's important plotwise to try and keep as much of Jimbo and Shauna's relationship in the episode as possible.

YABF09 E My Sports

MARGE: Bart's been in the shower for over an hour.

HOMER: With a young man that age, there's only one reason he's in the bathroom that long. Skunk sprayed him good!

[He opens the bathroom door, and finds Bart playing Conflict of Enemies on his (waterproofed) computer whilst the shower is running.]

HOMER: Oh my God, he's playing with himself!.. On that game.

MARGE: He's playing that game in the shower?

Totally seamless, but at what point are you implying the presence of wanking too much, exactly?

YABF10 Bart vs. Itchy & Scratchy

Right at the top of the episode, at the Krusty the Clown Show panel at the convention:

KRUSTY: Have we got a great panel planned for you today! What is it, Howard, the usual crap? [HOWARD, a non-writing producer on the panel, whispers into his ear.] Oh, yeah, that'll kill some time.

[A screen above the panel displays a slide of Mr Teeny discovering a stick of dynamite in his banana, plus the legend "SEASON 40 GAG REEL". The first blooper is of KRUSTY dressed as a stereotypical Frenchman, being beaten up by LEGS and LOUIE.]

KRUSTY: Kids, call the police! This isn't a sketch!

[Cut to SIDESHOW MEL taking part in a William Tell sketch; KRUSTY throws the knife, which to MEL's relief lands in the oversized apple on his head, but then the scenery behind him crushes him.]

MEL: Ahh! My legs!

KRUSTY: Stick to the script!

MEL [in pain]: Ladies and gentlemen, Miami Sound Machine!

[MIAMI SOUND MACHINE appear, and begin "Conga".]

[Establishing shot of the convention centre.]

LENNY: Where do you come up with your ideas?

Okay, I'll concede the shot of Krusty getting beaten up is a little unpleasant, but I still don't think it really warrants cutting, and the second blooper is presumably cut solely because once one of the bloopers went the whole thing had to go. Also, as this appears at the beginning, producer credits appear during it, so three of them (co-executive producers Jeff Westbrook, Brian Kelley and Dan Vebber) are missing on C4's edit.

Next, the incredibly graphic Itchy & Scratchy cartoon -- including huge amounts of blood, visible brains and vital organs (the second of which in particular is usually a total no-no for C4) going everywhere -- is left completely intact on C4's version! There's no way to cut it without the episode making no sense at all, but there's still a huge double standard not only with the violence above, but also the cut in "Daddicus Finch".

Speaking of double standards, when Bart goes viral:

[Shot of HOMER watching TOSHUA JOSH on TV.]

JOSH [V/O]: Welcome to Josh point O,

[Cut to the TV display.]

JOSH: the show for people who want to look at the Internet but don't have a computer or a phone.

[Cut to CCTV footage of HANS MOLEMAN on a treadmill at the gym.]

JOSH [V/O]: You know what bugs me about old guys at the gym?

[A car smashes through the gym's window and hits MOLEMAN, leaving a smear of blood on the treadmill.]

JOSH [V/O]: They always forget to wipe down the machine.

HOMER [laughing]: He means the blood.

JOSH: Now, this boy says he hates all-girl Itchy & Scratchy...

Incidentally, if you were watching this episode and wondering if the climax comes in a bit suddenly and doesn't explain how the protest group manages to get into the TV studio... then the original episode is like that, because that's your lot for cuts here.

YABF11 Girl's in the Band

When Homer is working the night shift to support Lisa's music tuition:

HOMER: Please don't fire me!

MR BURNS [laughing]: Oh, don't worry, what happens on the night shift stays on the night shift.

[An AXE-WIELDING MAN walks by.]

AXE-WIELDING MAN: I'm not gonna hurt you! I'm just gonna bash your brains in!

MR BURNS: There's our Head of Human Resources now.

This is an odd enough cut as it is (and a pretty awkward one, too, since it removes the punchline), but this scene follows Homer's sleep-deprived hallucination which repeatedly urges him to kill his family by sprinkling plutonium in their salad, all of which was obviously absolutely fine.

(By the by: If you thought the opening sequence looked and sounded a bit odd, then yes it does, but the original broadcast was like that. I suspect the chalkboard was a late addition to commemorate the birth of Nancy Cartwright's first grandchild, explaining the unique nature of this intro, but that's probably a story for another day.)

YABF12 I'm Just A Girl Who Can't Say D'oh

LLEWELLYN SINCLAIR: Stop, stop, stop! This set is terrible. That corn isn't as high as an elephant's eye.

OTTO [holding a joint]: Oh, you wanted the corn to be high.

SINCLAIR: I have never seen such incompetence and idiocy in a theatre.

Oh, and when Krusty opens and drinks from his can of New Coke later in the episode, the animation noticeably jumps around, and you'd be forgiven for thinking C4 had made a cut there, but the original episode is like that -- it looks as if there was a last-minute change of dialogue but the episode was already picture-locked or something, and they had to edit round it as best they could.

YABF14 D'oh Canada

When Our Favourite Family are playing I-Spy in the car:

HOMER: I spy... a closed down Toys 'R' Us!

[Outside said establishment, a man in a giraffe costume ties a noose to the 'R' in the sign and jumps off a stepladder, but the noose is far too long and the drop far too short. He moans in disappointment.]

BART: I spy... a bankrupt Sears & Roebuck!

Cut

Inexplicably, the call-back to this joke at the end of the act is not cut, leaving a scene that now makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Not only that, but blatant drugs references (Louis Armstrong in Lisa's vision saying "it's legal now" with regards to Canada's drug laws) were left intact, which is one of the worst double standards I've ever seen on C4 given a virtually identical joke was cut from the previous season's "Lisa Gets the Blues"!

Bafflingly not cut

YABF15 Woo-Hoo Dunnit?

LOU: The sick bastard licked those walls clean!

"Bastard" is bleeped out; fortunately, owing to the spoof documentary format of the episode, this works extremely well! The bleep isn't obtrusive or out-of-place, and unless you already knew you would think the episode was like that in the first place. That it leaves one of the strongest episodes of the last few years virtually fully intact is an added bonus.

YABF16 Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion

There's an awful lot of Breaking Bad references -- sometimes to extremely specific scenes -- in this season, aren't there? Were some of the writers doing a rewatch or something?

Anyway, another case of lopping off the punchline:

MARGE [thinking]: I'm not even a hundred percent sure these things work. Should I really be selling them?

NELSON'S MOM: You know, these just might make me stop drinking.

MARGE: I guess I should! [NELSON'S MOM walks off; MARGE starts accepting the crowd's money for her crystals.]

NELSON'S MOM: I'm gonna grind 'em up and snort 'em!

The advert break comes in after this scene (remind me to write an article about C4 sticking advert breaks in places that aren't the end of an act at some point); there's a quick fade to, and back up again, from black added at the start of "part 2" on C4's version. This is almost certainly the case for other episodes that have their ad break put in a nonstandard place, but this is the first one I've really noticed.

* * *

So, to start with the positives, C4 did at least show the episodes in the right order this time round, and there were no examples of the censor trying to do something clever and categorically failing. But apart from that, this was a terrible season for censorship: a grand total of four episodes were left alone; there were terrible cases of double standards, sometimes within the same episode; material nobody could realistically object to was cut; there were some very obvious cuts, sometimes resulting in what was left actively not making any sense; they banned the Treehouse of Horror despite it being less graphic than last year's; and still have yet to show one from Season 29! Try to establish consistency with what gets cut and what doesn't! Schedule late-night repeats, at least for the most heavily edited episodes, which would also allow them to be available on All4! If an episode's too much for the 6pm slot find a reasonable post-watershed slot as soon as possible! Look at episodes properly to make sure what's left still makes sense and you don't, for example, leave in a call-back to something you've cut that now makes absolutely no sense! We've moved backwards from a few years ago, when I could at least see why everything was cut, and there's no reason for it at all.