The Crystal Ship

As you enter the harbour square, you pass a line of wagons laden with heavy machinery, which are queueing to enter a dry dock. There, illuminated by the glare of huge oil lamps, is the largest ship you have ever seen -- a monstrous ironclad juggernaut bristling with awesome weaponry. You stop to stare at this terrifying vessel, and overhear two Drakkarim engineers talking about their work. Your blood runs cold when you hear one of them reveal why this juggernaut is being built. It is to be used to destroy Holmgard, your country’s capital city.

If you enter the harbour at Argazad in the twelfth Lone Wolf gamebook, The Masters of Darkness, whilst infiltrating the Darklords' base, and so discover this terrifying juggernaut, you are given the option to enter the dock and find some way of sabotaging the ship. Sensible players will reason that the aim of your mission is to destroy the Darklords before the behemoth can ever set sail, and thus this is an unnecessary risk, and their suspicions should only rise if they attempt sabotage anyway:

A group of slaves are at work near the stern, hoisting into position a strange spherical tank made of a sparkling orange metal. As soon as it is secured, the Drakkarim engineers begin coupling heavy springs and thick copper cables to the tank, linking it to a massive propeller at the rear of the craft.

Carefully you study the complex machinery, soon realizing that if the orange tank were destroyed, or damaged beyond repair, the vessel would be unable to propel itself. However, the shell of the tank appears to be constructed of super-hard metal, and the only way you can think of destroying it is by using your Crystal Explosive.

Bananamanrama

In 1983, Bananaman -- at the time appearing in D. C. Thomson's weekly humour anthology comic Nutty -- made his onscreen debut in a series of animated five-minute shorts on Children's BBC. As explained in this interview with Steve Bright, who co-created the character with artist John Geering and wrote many of the scripts for the comic strip over the years, the animation executives had originally thought they'd make a series about a more iconic character such as Dennis the Menace or Desperate Dan, but during a focus group at the publisher's headquarters they happened to catch sight of the relatively new Bananaman and decided they'd rather focus on him; hence, the Big B became the first DCT character to appear in animation less than four years after his strip debuted.

The shorts were repeated many, many times on the BBC over the years, and in late 1998, during one of the final runs, someone at the Dandy (where the crime-fighting hero had resided since the Nutty ended in 1985) had the bright idea of adapting the TV episodes into comic strips to tie in, beginning with issue #2975, dated the 28th November 1998:

The Harbour of Lost Ships, helpfully labelled as the very first one.

The publisher had gotten a lot of mileage out of Bananaman's status as a TV star over the years, and it's possible someone at the BBC tipped them the wink that these were likely to be the final broadcasts and the adaptations were intended as one last hurrah. (In the event, they would be reprinted circa 2007, tying in with the series' DVD release.)

Sub-Optimal

The six Transformers Adventure Game Books were released between 1985 and 1987 by Corgi. Gamebooks based on licensed properties are rarely high points of the genre, and whilst these don't plumb the depths of Dick Tracy: A Catch-a-Crook Adventure, they're not especially remarkable: each runs between 67 and 72 pages, and can have as few as three possible endings. They were authored by Dave Morris, who also wrote the Knightmare gamebooks and The Crystal Maze gamebook, as well as other series based on Enid Blyton's Adventure Squad, LEGO, James Bond Jr. and HeroQuest, but is best known for his work with Jamie Thomson on their own original ideas, most notably the incredibly ambitious Fabled Lands series.

The second book, Perils From the Stars, is the one that only has three possible endings -- one good, two bad. One of those bad endings, though, is a stunning example of one of my favourite ways to die in interactive fiction: The game allows you to voluntarily do something incredibly, lethally stupid. (Much thanks to regular commentator Ed Jolley for putting me on to this.)

You look to JAZZ, but he is still too groggy to act. STARSCREAM's homing beacon, which is attracting the falling weapons pod straight towards it, lies on the floor beside the telescope.

If you want to get the homing beacon and hurl it at STARSCREAM, turn to page 44

If you want to put it in your pocket, turn to page 46

B&T

In 1990, two of D. C. Thomson's remaining weekly humour titles, the Beezer (running since 1956) and the Topper (running since 1953) merged to form a publication which was called, not unreasonably, Beezer and Topper. The nature of the combined comic was a little different to other comics mergers -- usually the 'junior' title would merge into the 'senior' one, but these two titles got equal billing in a publication which was essentially considered a new comic in its own right, starting the numbering back at issue 1.

The Topper and the Beezer had arguably not moved with the times in the way D. C.'s other publications, the Beano and the Dandy, had, and this joining of forces saw several long-serving stories -- some of which had been running since the beginning -- get quietly retired. Amongst the stories not carried forward were Ginger, who had been the Beezer's cover star for some 28 of its 37 years, The Badd Lads, The Hillies and the Billies, Hungry Horace and Figaro, whilst several others would be retooled to better appeal to a modern audience, and a variety of entirely new strips also appeared.

Beezer and Topper would last for 153 issues and just under three years, and then both titles disappeared from weekly newsstands for good, although the Beezer Summer Specials and Christmas annuals would continue to be issued until 2002 (and the quarterly reprint titles The Best of the Beezer and The Best of the Topper until 1996 when they were supplanted by the all-purpose monthly Classics From the Comics); several of the 'legacy' characters moved over to the Beano and Dandy, but for others B&T would prove to be their last chance saloon.

The original plan here had been to scan in one issue from early in the run, to cover all the characters who'd crossed over from Beezer and Topper (some of them were phased out later on, whilst other new stories were chopped and changed). It wouldn't have been anywhere near as representative of the whole run as our look at Hoot was, and it'd probably have been worth scanning in one of the final issues later on to compare.

However, upon unearthing the issues in my possession I discovered that B&T had such a large roster of stories that most of them didn't appear every week, so I went for a different approach: from across five different issues, here's one example of each 'legacy' character, and a selection of notable strips that were unique to the merger.

Just Ask For International Broadcasts Of South By South East

You remember that thing that sort of took over this blog for a period of several years where I was looking for (and eventualy found) the missing Children's ITV serial The Diamond Brothers: South by South East, don't you? Yes? Marvellous. If not, go here, go to the oldest post and work your way forwards from there. I promise you it's worth your while.

Anyway, I have some newly unearthed information on international broadcasts which you may as well have, as these airings would have used the original version of episode 3, and anything that could possibly help me find it is worth a try.

American viewers would have seen the show on the Disney Channel weekly from 7 April to 12 May 1993; the broadcast of episode 1 was preceded by a showing of Just Ask for Diamond, under its international title of Diamond's Edge.

The other thing is a bit more esoteric, but an Indian viewer got in touch to say they recall the show being broadcast on Saturday afternoons on a channel called StarPlus; they can't recall the exact year, but it may have been somewhere between 1992 and 1994. Anyone able to point me in the direction of some archive Indian TV listings?

Check, Please

Goodness Gracious Me was a groundbreaking sketch show that popularised British-Asian comedy and helped make household names of people like Sanjeev Bhaskar.

In the fourth episode of Series 1 (TX: 02/02/98), in the "Bhangra Muffins" sketch, Kulvinder Ghur is reading a copy of the Beano.

We get a nice close look at it at the start of the sketch, so through the magic of iPlayer it's pretty easy to tell it's issue #2882, dated 11/10/97:

A valuable clue as to the recording dates of Goodness Gracious Me, to be sure, but this issue was originally sold with a free lolly, and the issue seen onscreen appears to have had the sticky tape attaching the free gift to the issue very carefully removed to avoid ripping or damaging the cover.

So we can figure that a production runner sent to the nearest newsagent's had an interesting afternoon, if nothing else.

Numskull Valley

The Numskulls, a comic strip about the microscopic humanoids everyone has living inside them who control all your bodily functions, launched in the Beezer in 1962, some six years into the comic's run. (The above strip hails from the Beezer Book 1975, but you can see one of the very first editions here.) If you've picked up a copy of the Beano at any point in the last thirty years, you'll probably be aware that the strip is still running there to this day -- indeed, it is the only strip to originate in the Beezer that has survived to the last of the weekly humour anthology comics still going. The route it took to the present, however, isn't exactly straightforward.

Potato Man

On the 15th June 1992, then-Vice President of the United States Dan Quayle, on the campaign trail for that year's presidential election, visits Muñoz Rivera Elementary School and commits one of the most famous political gaffes in history when he "corrects" a 12-year-old pupil's spelling of 'potato' to 'potatoe'.

Ten days later, on the 25th June, Fox airs a repeat of The Simpsons; appropriately enough, the episode is "Two Cars In Every Garage, Three Eyes On Every Fish". The blackboard joke in the opening sequence is usually "I will not xerox my butt", but for this repeat, a new joke is hastily added: "'potato', not 'potatoe'".

This alternate blackboard -- seen on that repeat, and that repeat only -- has become one of the few pieces of Simpsons miscellany completely lost to time. It's frustrating, because the joke was reported in advance in newspapers, and you'd expect someone to have their VCR switched on for it. I've made more than one attempt to track it down in the past, but as of yet things haven't gone anywhere.

One thing I did think to do, though, was check alt.tv.simpsons for any contemporary posts regarding the joke. Multiple posts describe the blackboard as looking very last-minute, saying that the text visibly shimmered or moved around:

Great bit on the Simpson's tonight....
For those of you who don't watch the show, a running joke in the opening credits involves Bart writing something on the blackboard over and over. Past sentences have included "I will not expose the faculty's ignorance.". Well, though tonight's show was actually a repeat, they did change the sentence on the blackboard. Looked like a last minute thing, since the blackboard portion of the shot shimmered badly.
Tonight's slogan: "Potato" not "Potatoe".